I will not say goodbye!

I have been struggling if I wanted to post this or not; however, my blog is my journal. Below is my account of what happened the night my dad passed away… From what I can remember, I feel like it was movie that I was only halfway watching… I want to remember as much as I can so I figured I would post it here. 

On August 9th, I was sitting at home with Kevin when I received a call from Mandee (my Brothers fiancé) around 9:30pm asking if she could come over, I asked her if everything was ok and she said she would talk to me when she got here. All I could think of was “oh no, her and Justin must have just had a fight or something.” I was sitting in my family room when I heard my front door open. I walked over to my entry and my brother was standing there with a face I will never forget; it was sheer sorrow and pain. He looked at me and said “James dad has been in a bad accident.” I remember thinking ‘what in the heck are you doing here, I could have met you at the hospital…’ I asked him “Is he going to be alright?” Justin just stood there shacking his head and began to cry and said “James, Dad is gone, he is gone” . I remember thinking ‘what?’ Before I knew it people I barely knew were coming to my house. I remember going into Kevin and I’s room and sitting on the the floor in our closet in pure shock… I did not know what to do, who to turn to, all I could think of was “call Traci” (Traci is my boss friend at work). Just that day she was was telling me about the loss of her father in a accident. Unfortunately I could not get a hold of her, I could here my brother in the family room crying out. All I could think of was we needed prayer. When I walked back into the family room everyone was sitting in pure shock.  My Dads good friends Betty and Gilbert Martinez were at my house, Betty being the mom she is, was getting everyone glasses of water and cold washcloths. I remember sitting there thinking… Mom, who is with mom, where is she, why is she not here. That's when I found out that she had been rushed to the hospital, when the Mayor and police went over to her house to tell her, she collapsed on the driveway. Before I knew it we were at the hospital I remember walking into the emergency room and seeing Pastor Gerrod,  I walked up to him and gave him a hug I asked him to please pray for me and my brother…   I remember walking back into the emergency room and seeing my mom, she was sobbing uncontrollably everything else is such a blur, I know family and friends where at the hospital with us that night i just can not tell you who. I do know that after everyone left that night, Kevin slept on the emergency room floor, I also know that was the longest night of my life. My mom was in the hospital for two nights. The whole week is such a blur. I remember sitting in the hospital and the media was hounding us for a statement (Really?) and Kevin and Mandee sat in my moms room and typed something up. I remember going to the mortuary to get everything planned and thinking “Why god, I did not even get my dad for 30 years, I need him, he will never have the chance to hold my babies…”. I honestly can say I am not sure anything would have gotten done without Kevin he truly was the strength for my mom and me.  He wrote my dads obituary picked out his vault, made countless trips up to the mortuary, and most importantly ran interference for me with my phone. Kevin thank you so much for being my rock… You have made my dad so very proud he loved you.

I can say my dads services were amazing, He used to always say “oh, no one will show up for my funeral!” Well dad… all I can say is you were wrong… You have so many people that love and care about you, big guy. Its amazing to see the impact that you had on this world.

(I will do another post of my dads services, Once I get all the pictures)

I love you dad… I will not say goodbye just See Ya!